the very hairs of your head....

i am still trying to fix things...still living in the past on many days. if only i can be perfect, i will finally be worth love.

we got through the last year, and all mom's health woes, and she is still plugging away....but the 'if onlys' plague me. she could have had a different life if not for my incompetence - is what i tell myself. everyone else tells me i saved her, but i know the stroke...the stroke...the stroke...it never should have happened. i convinced myself.

yet, i am hopeful and cheerful for her every day - and it's real. i'm grateful for the time ... she knows it.

God is still here, counting the hairs.