the time has come

"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers."

hey me

being authentic, like being humble, is not something you have to TRY to be. you either are or you aren't. God may have to crush you to dust in order to erase every last trace of falseness and pride.

let Him.

grace

"In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, each recalling the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe."

~From Kornfield, Jack (2004). The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace, Bantam Books, NY.

mrs. rogers

my birthday on the 12th - spent it with ruth and mom. "sushi" from winco - woohoo. good times. i didn't even have to wash my hair.

almost got broadsided ash wednesday by a gal running a red light. luckily i was turning left. i still don't understand how the heck she missed me. i think it was Angels. i swear i saw her car glide through the front end of the volvo, but nothing, no crash, just ... holy cow! holy cow! holy cow! (although i said something much worse) HOW ON EARTH DID SHE MISS ME???!! what if mom had been in the passenger seat?!

the next night - thursday - there was an actual car chase down hillsdale in front of mom's house. two police cars chasing a truck, down one way, then back the other. i ran outside and watched the truck whip past the second time, with the sirens following. pretty exciting. ruth was on her way over just then, and i prayed the truck wouldn't smash into her. oh my god! still don't know what was up - stolen car maybe?

just another week in the neighborhood. well, mom's anyway.

pride

Then Jesus said: "I came into this world to divide it, to make the sightless see, and the seeing blind."

Some of the Pharisees around him heard this, and said, "You are not calling us blind are you?" To which Jesus replied:

"If you were blind there would be no sin in that. 'But we see,' you say, and your sin remains."

the very hairs of your head....

i am still trying to fix things...still living in the past on many days. if only i can be perfect, i will finally be worth love.

we got through the last year, and all mom's health woes, and she is still plugging away....but the 'if onlys' plague me. she could have had a different life if not for my incompetence - is what i tell myself. everyone else tells me i saved her, but i know the stroke...the stroke...the stroke...it never should have happened. i convinced myself.

yet, i am hopeful and cheerful for her every day - and it's real. i'm grateful for the time ... she knows it.

God is still here, counting the hairs.

don't forget them

The Ark Children's Homes Promotional Video from Silas Allan on Vimeo.